I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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