Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
