i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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