my soul wont recognize me after tonight
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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