I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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