smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
