he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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