listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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