I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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