I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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