Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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