This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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