hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
