My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
