It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
