that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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