So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
