WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
