dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
