I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
