If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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