dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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