Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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