If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
