I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
