My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
