you would pick up someone in the library
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
