dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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