Christians are straight up FREAKS
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
