Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
