she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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