there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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