yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
