he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
