My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
