Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
