At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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