you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
