Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
