I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
