its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
