I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
