hotel room ftw
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
