It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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