waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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