The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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