It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
