I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
two words: eviction party
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
