I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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