I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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