i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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