maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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